Sunday, July 31, 2016

Loving Myself Is My Favorite Thing Ever


When I sat down to write this post, I had a hard time thinking of my most favorite thing. I thought of Doctor Who, Cheetos, and my family. I also wondered if this post should be funny or sarcastic or nauseatingly sweet. Should it be more personal or just what needs to be said? Will it have a message that someone can take away from? It's not an easy choice.

Then a thought occurred: why does it have to be this difficult when it's inside me at all times?

Why is loving myself my favorite thing?

For the longest time, I hated everything about myself. I hated the way I looked, how I felt, and what I was doing with my life. I was on a downward spiral to deep depression and I felt like I didn't belong anywhere in the world. I was awkward, weird, and pretty naive. That naivete made me feel like the most stupid person in the world.

Then one day, I was so depressed, I knew I had to do something. So I sat down and wrote out everything I wanted to change. At the top of this list? How I felt about life. I realized that I can't change any of those problems unless I changed how I felt on the inside.

I eventually started working on accepting the things about myself I couldn't change. That took a while because when you want to change your life, changing the static things like your build or smile is always on the list. But knowing you can't is pretty damn hard. But once I accepted that fact, I started noticing positive changes, not only in my self-esteem, but how I moved through the day. Life seemed a bit more bright. (I still had a lot of work to do but it was a step forward in the right direction.)

As I started to fix things I knew I could change, like my weight and what I wanted out of life, I started to love myself.

I also knew that no one would love me unless I learned to love myself first.

Now, as I continue to adjust things to get where I want to in life, the main point is that I love myself, from my frizzy hair to my geeky hobbies to my wide hips.

I love me and that is something no one can take away from me, and that is why loving me will always be my favorite thing.


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